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Thursday, November 07, 2013

Penat

OK...entry harini adalah lebih kepada mengadu ye... Harap korang bersabar membacanya. Hahahahaha...

So here's the thing. Bila ada anak,aku dah decide utk buat sacrifice. Demi anak aku. Demi suami aku. Aku decide untuk sacrifice keje aku, kerjaya aku. Dulu aku bercita2 nak jadi careerwoman. The ones yang akan sibuk ke sini sana, climbing the corporate ladder. Tapi..semua berubah bila aku kawin.

Aku pilih keje yang less busy, more secure. Bila Eusoff lahir, aku decide. Aku sanggup korbankan gaji yg besar. Untuk tinggal dekat dengan suami. So both me & Mr H ada masa untuk luangkan dengan anak. Aku decide utk forgo gaji yang tinggi supaya aku boleh ada keje yang tak busy. Tak perlu balik lambat (in fact, aku balik awal from most people. Hehe), tak perlu attend training selalu, tak perlu meeting jauh2, tak perlu keje overtime selalu..

Ini pengorbanan aku... You see.. Aku tak salahkan other parents yang tak dapat buat decision yg sama. Sebab aku faham situasi setiap orang tu berbeza. Macam aku, aku takde rezeki untuk jadi SAHM. Sape tak nak? Tapi Allah masih belum bagi rezeki tu. Dapat keje yang macam ni pun dah Alhamdulillah...

Setiap parents ada hak utk buat decision masing2. Aku hormat decision korang. Whatever you decide for your children pasti untuk kebaikan dorang kan?

If you decide to have a career, to have a job that requires you to be busy most of the time.. It doesn't mean that someone else should take your place for your children. Leaving them in daycare won't help. Leaving them with their grandparents won't be the same. Leaving them while you're busy with work just won't justify it. You need to make up your time with them. You, yourself. Not some other people!

I choose to have more time. For that, I choose to have a job that only requires me to work 8am-4.30pm (except for Friday, which I work only till 2.30pm). I decide to have less money, for more time.

What I mean more time is for my son. Not our children. For MY children. Just because you're busy with work (or stuff) doesn't mean that I (who aren't. Who are always back early from work) are always willing to look after your child! I don't intend to be a 'surrogate' mother!

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I am not willing to help. I can help once in a while. But almost everyday?? Please... I want to baby my own baby!Not someone else's. And quite frankly. I don't want to be blamed for screwing up your children. I've had enough guilt for screwing up mine already!

I've never been a 'baby'-type of person. Yes. I like babies and children. Only if I don't have to take care of them. My own baby? Its a whole another story. Because he's my own! And I'm responsible for him. But your baby/children are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Not mine. And frankly, I don't want to be responsible for them! I've had enough of mine already!!!

I know I could never shower my son with luxury. No branded clothes, no expensive toys, no nice meals at high-end restaurant,etc.. Even if we could afford it, we better off using that money somewhere else. I could never shower my children with money. But I can afford to have time with him,giggle with him, play with him, laugh with him, scold him, teach him, touch him...

Did you ever wonder why your children is so different from the rest of them? Why only your children act the way they did? I'm not saying I'm the perfect mom, doing everything right. But at least I'm trying.

I know you feel like I'm not trying to help you. Because I AM NOT. You're not the only one who knows what tired means. When I come back from work, all I want to do is hug my baby. Not someone else's. And my energy is drained by my baby. So I'm not going to let yours suck out all that's left of me. I am sorry. I know you're tired. But we are too. And quite frankly, we're tired of you, too!

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